Mickey D had his knickers in a knot but good last Saturday! We were out with the boys at a bonspiel and while they bellied up to the hot dog bar that was included as part of their day’s festivities, we ordered lunch off the menu. We had a pretty good barbequed chicken pizza but Mickey stewed about it for hours. He was all crumpled up about how much the bill was. I finally broke it to him on the way home. “It wasn’t the food. They add an automatic 15% gratuity there”. I reached for something sturdy to hold onto because he was cracking up and it was a 9.5 on the Richter scale! Or should I say a 10.925 – which is 15% more than a 9.5.
We both earned our keep during the school years by serving up the drinks and grub in restaurants. And we loved getting a guaranteed gratuity but now that we’re on the wrong side of the tipping, it’s all amiss. It doesn’t feel like we’re getting what we’re paying for. No one is working 15% harder. No one is saying ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ 15% more often. No one is smiling or welcoming us with 15% more enthusiasm. People just think they deserve 15% more.
I want 15% more free time. I deserve it. I would pay 15% for free time. I want my van to drive 15% further on a tank of gas. And I want a 15% bigger windshield wiper antifreeze holder because I don’t feel I’m getting enough squirts. I deserve 15% more squirts.
I want my shoes to last me 15% longer. While the rest of me seems to keep growing (sideways, of course), my feet are holding at a solid Size 10. So if I’m not outgrowing my shoes, I want them to last me longer than they do. And an extra 15% longer would suit me and my feet fine.
The buttons on my new Blackberry need to be 15% larger. I need that. Or I need my vision to improve by 15% so I can see the tiny buttons better. Either is fine.
My children need to help out around the house 15% more often. And give me 15% more time in the shower before they begin the “Mom! Where are you?” thing.
Sure, I say “I’m trying to take a shower!”, but I’m thinking ‘I’m trying to escape out the bathroom window and make it to a single’s resort in Bahamas’. If the bathroom window was just 15% bigger.
I know what Mickey D would like more of. He’d like 15% more … oh, shoot! The column is over. Sorry about that, Mick.
Hey, you know what? Forget it. This week, you folks are getting 15% more! And much like the automatic gratuity, you get it whether you like it or not.
I think there should be 15% more cashiers working during Christmas time. And I should get 15% more Air Miles if I don’t bring any items up to the cash that are missing price tags. If the cashier didn’t have to do the ‘Ladies Wear, Call 262 for a price check; Ladies wear, call 262’, things would move faster for everybody. The people behind me in line would have 15% more of the free time they deserve. Maybe they would meet someone for lunch in a restaurant. And then tip the waiter 15%. What goes around comes around. Well, 15% of the time if the waiter had his way!