“Attention, all passengers. We are boarding in approximately 2 minutes. Our trip this afternoon does not allow for additional stops prior to arrival at our destination so we request all travelers attend the restroom before departure.” It’s guaranteed that one of the boys won’t heed the warning to take a second and go right now. With Amazing Kreskin-like accuracy, I predict an emergency stop within 16 minutes of getting on the highway.
“All carry-on knapsacks, bags, books, buckets and electronics must be managed by the individual passenger. All items brought onboard are vulnerable to confiscation if their presence causes unbearable hardship to other travelers.” The boys aren’t even in their seats when they start looking around to see what brother slipped in with something better than what they brought.
“We will be cruising at approximately 60 miles per hour today eastbound to Kingston. For the safety of everyone, please keep hands and feet to yourself and remain seated at all times.” On a previous trek down the highway, I heard this little ‘click’ sound. I flipped down my mirror and my 4 year olds car seat was empty. He had taken off his seatbelt and was wondering around the van – you know, just stretching his legs!
“Our in-flight movie will be Shrek 2 starring Canadian funnyman Mike Myers as Shrek with the lovely and talented Cameron Diaz in the role of Princess Fiona. We ask for silence so all passengers may enjoy the film.” Portable DVD player - $249.00. Crowd pleasing movie release - $19.99. 93 minutes of silence while driving -- priceless.
“Snacks are available upon request and consist of bananas, boxes of raisons and chocolate chip granola bars. A plastic bag is available for all wrappers and peels. Small juice boxes are stocked but we remind you there will be no restroom stops during the traveling portion of today’s expedition. Once we reach our destination, Cosmic Adventures, you will be provided with all the necessary amenities.”
“Mom. You’re losing it”.
I bet my neighbours look out and think I’m simply backing out of the driveway. Little do they know, it’s more aptly described as taxiing down the runway.