* Here's one from 2007...*
On one channel recently, Oprah was introducing her new online program, better described as a journey, called “O Girl O Beautiful”. Its goal is to teach us to recognize our own value, bask in our one-of-a kind fantastic selves and essentially be happy with our being – inside and out. Acceptance. Self-Love. True Beauty. Very ‘You Go Girl’ stuff because after all, gosh darn it, we are awesome just the way we are!
Unless you are like me and that glorious, self empowering moment is cut short by a simple accidental flick of the channel down button on the remote. The View (sans Rosie), was showcasing the 2007 summer line-up of stylish new bathing suits and offering advice on which one to buy so you can, you guessed it, hide all your flaws. Big hips. No hips. Flabby arms. Wide thighs. Short legs. Junk in your trunk. Cripes. ‘O Girl O Bountiful’. One channel giveth, the other channel taketh away.
The models on the show cavorted around smiling and cheery as they showed off their jazzy beach attire. And without a doubt, one bathing suit captured the audiences’ hearts. This was clearly evident by the gasps of delight and awe-struck expressions when it hit the stage: The Miracle Suit.
Wouldn’t you love to meet the guy that named it the Miracle Suit? What’s the miracle? Is it a miracle there is a suit out there that will fit me? Is it an act of God that this suit manages to make me look good while being so close to naked? Are people going to point at me astonished and breathlessly exclaim, “Ali. You don’t even look like yourself in that suit! It’s a miracle!”
Imagine the disappointment for the viewing public when I load myself back into my jeans and long shirt and I return to my human form? I imagine the whispers, “Hmmm. Well, that miracle was fleeting”. The next thing you know, my Miracle Suit is forgotten and people are talking up the parting of the Red Sea thing or perhaps some interest is renewed in the 7 Wonders of the World. It doesn’t take much to get people talking about those blasted Pyramids.
No. I can’t have it. If man created the Miracle Suit, who am I to question its existence? I’ll wear the Suit shopping, pumping gas, when going to work, attending parent/teacher meetings – and I’ll wear it with high heels – the swim suit models all wear heels, carry sporty beach bags, put on floppy hats and hide behind designer shades. I mean, it’s a Miracle after all. And a miracle deserves some accessorizing.